(Fowl Line Breaking News Alert) Donald Fehr washed down a pastrami on rye with a bottle of grape Nehi and wiped his mouth on the tablecloth. "We agreed to leave the tip not pay for the meal."
I'll Have the James Gandolfino Bada Bing! Pork Sub and Hold the Pickle
The chummy luncheon between the NHL and union nearly disintegrated into who ate what until a last minute impression that the numbers floated by each sides indicated they were nearer to an agreement in principle over the tip, but NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman disagreed.
Becky Don't Lose that Number
Their waitress was clearly the odd party out in the negotiations. "I mean these guys are a bunch of pigs they eat with their hands and have no idea what a napkin is..." said an exasperated Becky Schantz-Walters of Hoboken NJ.
Who Put Pumpernickel in my Orange Juice?
Following a round of feverish discussions, union executive director Donald Fehr made a collect conference call to the executive board and players on the tip committee. The players association continued nattering all Saturday afternoon before meeting with the league in the bathroom where both sides hammered out an agreement to leave at least 14-and-a-half-percent even though several players and NHL officials argued the pickles weren't as crisp as they should be and two people got pumpernickel instead of rye...
What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate
Don "Pastrami Smurf" Fehr said, "We looked at some of the numbers on the various proposals and thought we were much closer together on the structure of the tip. They came back to us and said, `No, we are very very far apart on the structure of the tip."
Take the Pickles Leave the Cannoli
Finally, Mort the counterman, came over and told the NHL and the union he was gonna start cracking heads if they didn't pay the bill, leave a 20% tip and get the @#$% out of his deli before he put a beating on them.